Mini Cheddar Meatloaves

One of our family favorites...

1 egg
3/4 cup milk
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 cup quick cooking oats
1/2 cup onion, chopped
1 teaspoon salt
1 lb ground beef
1 lb ground pork
1 1/2 cups ketchup
1 cup brown sugar, packed
4 teaspoons prepared mustard


*In a bowl beat eggs and milk, stir in cheese, oats, onion, and salt.
*Crumble meats over mixture and mix well.
*Shape into 8 loaves place in 13x9x2 baking dish
*In same bowl, combine ketchup, brown sugar, and mustard, Mix well.
*Spoon over loaves and bake 45 minutes or until no longer pink and meat thermometer reads 160 degrees, uncovered at 350 degrees.

Finding myself

Ah yes, I have found myself again. Not only have I begun to lose the weight that crept up on me like a bad habit, but I have put life into perspective.

A terrible marriage, two pregnancies, as well as a horrific health scare allowed me to pack on the pounds over the last few years. One pregnancy ended in an ectopic pregnancy and subsequent loss, and I found myself pregnant with little Lexi a mere four months later. The pregnancy was plagued with problems, and I developed blood clotting problems throughout. I was placed on Coumadin for a year following the delivery and gained a tremendous amount of weight.

Having to deal with the health issues, as well as dealing with an abusive spouse that was in and out of rehab just wasn't conducive to following a weight loss program. I didn't care about myself at all... I blamed myself for everything that was going wrong in my life.

I now understand that I am responsible for all that is right in my life. I have three wonderful children that I am a great mother to. I have great friends, I love being a nurse, and I am enjoying my life again. I have lost my weight and continue to lose more. I look forward to what life has in store for me in the future and sharing that with my children.

You are the only shadow standing in your own sunshine.

It's time to step out of the shadows and see the sun.

It's been a very long few years for me. My blogs are usually not so serious, but today - I just feel I need to make some changes and move forward. I think I've spent a very long time blaming other people for my extensive pain, and I'm going to take the reins.

My divorce should be final very soon and hopefully my former husband can find the strength to be clean and sober and become the father that our daughter deserves. I spent several years trying to understand where I went wrong and when he stopped loving me enough to love drugs and alcohol more. I finally figured out it wasn't me. There is something in his personality that is flawed that I cannot fix. It is not my fault. I loved my children way too much to try to keep figuring that out years ago, but now I understand that I love myself too much as well.

My family situation has hurt me even deeper for years. I'm not going to explain it, but it is something that cuts me to the core. I have let this affect me too much for entirely too long.

We cannot be who others want us to be. We cannot let the things others say continue to affect us once those words have been said. I have a relative who refuses to have anything to do with me. One who I idolized all my life. I will admit it hurts me, but I will also move past it and acknowledge there is nothing I can do about it any more. I have addressed it and that is all I can do. I cannot let it poison my life.

I am much closer to my friends than my family becaue my friends love me unconditionally. They have supported me through thick and thin. They have called me and stayed up with me all night to listen to me cry, yell, and worry through this traumatic experience. They have brought me food, held my hand, and offered support beyond imagination. They don't judge, they know what is going on in my life, and they know me. When I had police at my house, when I had to sit in a courthouse and get an order of protection, I was flooded with emotional support from my friends...not my family. At one point in my life, I would have done anything to be closer to my family, but I realize that family goes far beyond blood. I hope that these realizations also help me strengthen my bonds with my family...

So to my friends (family), thank you. I love you beyond comprehension. Thank you for being my rocks. Thank you for letting me be me. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, thank you for leaving me alone when I needed it, thank you for staying up late and talking when I needed it.

I love you guys. So... let's step out into the sunshine together and
get the hell out of the cloudy days! I'm ready to find the sun again kids!!

E-Jamie-Carrie-Caitlin-SarahZ-Matt/Gina-Missy-John-Kimberly/John-Lakea-Norma-SarahJ-Trae-Jodi-

Snowmageddon 2011

Well, I predicted 11 inches of snow and we got 17! Not too bad! We'r ecompletely snowed in, both the doors are completely drifted in, the drifts are up to the top of the doors, but we're warm and happy here in the house!

Last night was a bit of an adventure, as it always seems to be...

So the cats have been acting a little bit, "twitchy", if you will...I tried to take a nap earlier in the afternoon while Lexi was laying down and the cats were just staring at me like crazy animals!

Kind of creepy, right?

Later that night, Gordy was just sitting and staring at a kitchen cabinet. I jokingly said to Matthew, "I bet he's waiting for a mouse!"

Never should have said it. Five minutes later, Prue came tearing ass around the corner of the kitchen into the living room, leaping over the computer chair, growling like a pitbull in the ring. It was then I saw the victim. A fat little mouse huddled in the corner. My fat black and white cat had it cornered. She pounced and chased it back towards the laundry room. I followed suit and slammed the sliding door as fast as I could. Knowing I had two cats trapped in a 12x12 room with one scared rodent, I figured the poor thing had ten minutes tops. Boy was I wrong. The wrong cat got it. When I went in to retrieve the murdered mouse, my dumb white cat Gordy had it, fully alive. He was caressing and kissing it. Oy vey! He's very maternal and a little playful. I had to remove the culprit myself while he cried like a pitiful kitten. I trapped it in a baby wipe box and launched the whole box out the front door.

Now, I noticed that it was really cold in the laundry room while I was checking on the mouse situation. So I went back in to see why. There was a small amount of snow gathering at the back door at the top of the basement stairs. I was on my way to remedy the situation, when the cats darted - another mouse ran over my bare feet, and I screamed, jumped, and slipped on the melted snow... I grabbed the handrail, ripped it right off the wall and fell down the stairs. I gained a nice laceration on my big toe. Lovely. Just my luck! Didn't hurt a bit, but bled like a lovely! Gotta love being on aspirin.

Anyhow, I had to nail up a heavy blanket over the door to keep the snow out last night. The winds were so heavy, it was just blowing snow through the door! When I went to put the handrail back up this morning, I peeked to see how the snow situation was out the door... this is what I found INSIDE the door! Yikes!

Happy snow day to everyone. We're keeping busy here in the house. We've already made marinara sauce, meat sauce, meatballs, and french bread. The kids enjoyed a lunch of Bucatini noodles with meat sauce and Cheesy Garlic Bread.

For our meat sauce, today we used canned tomatoes. I don't get to see Todd until Easter for the fresh tomatoes! I saute three different types of onion, garlic, and carrots in a dutch oven in a quality olive oil until very soft, season with salt and pepper. Towards the end, I add a small amount of very high quality balsamic vinegar. I deglaze the pan with a good red wine. I throw in 6 large cans of tomatoes. Add bay leaves. I simmer for as long as needed, season as needed, add basil and oregano. I brown my meats in a separate pan. I use ground veal, ground pork, and ground sirloin in equal portions. I season them well. I use my immersion blender to smooth out my sauce prior to adding the meat. Key point: make sure you have it IMMERSED first.

I was a tad bit distracted today. My stove and wall (and unfortunately my bright white Old Navy Fleece pullover) are in dire need of some OxyClean.

I may or may not add some grated Parmesan at this point. Depends on how it tastes. I always add extra basil at the end. Season again as needed. Voila!

New do!

I've been working like a crazy woman and decided that I needed a change. I'm fitting in the size 8 jeans, I'm feeling like myself again, and I want to do the things that I have wanted to do for a long time! Off with all that extra hair! Time for the Hamsa!

Here is the new me! And here is the before - with Lexi hanging out!

Oy Vey

WTF. FML. Pretty much sums up how I feel today. Or yesterday. Whatever. I mean, how did my life come to three letters? How did I get to be a single mom again? Actually, when was I ever NOT a single mom? Sheesh! I think it's easier just never getting married!

I'd love to support my gay friends in fighting for same-sex marriage... but I just can't. Why the hell would ANYONE want to get married??? Have they lost their minds? Do they know what they're in for? Why can't they just stay in love, have fun, and let it roll? Good gravy! Don't they know that piece of paper is like the gate to hell? Run Forrest! Run! I mean... you can buy the bling, share a household... but keep your shit separate! Don't get all crazy people!

I have this new friend, Ben. He's from Indiana. What a life. He travels to all these exotic places... he's never been married, he has a great job, gets to just pick up and go whenever he wants. I'm totally jealous. As my fingers flutter across my dusty keyboard, he's packing up for China. Can you spell J.E.A.L.O.U.S.? What a life! All his pictures are of gorgeous islands, beautiful deserts, and remote locales that you've never dreamed of. He can just pick up and go - nobody to tell him he's got other obligations to take care of. Wonderful.

Now, I wouldn't trade my kids for the world. My friend Ben is missing out on the greatest thing in the universe as far as I'm concerned. The love of my children has been the greatest reward I've ever received. But on those days where everyone has the stomach flu and I've run out of barf buckets, or everyone is fighting and my migraine is pounding... I just want to call Ben and tell him to grab me a passport and take me away.

Have I mentioned Mr. Ben is easy on the eyes??? LOL. Just kidding friends. Mr. Ben is unattached and is that way for a reason. He is my PLATONIC friend. My sarcastic, witty friend that I have an easy, casual relationship with. One that I gain a better understanding of men with. Pffft. Yeah right. I don't think I really WANT a better understanding of men. I just want a maid and a masseuse at this point in my life...

Im dealing with a patient

patient faking seizure in ER

Back to the grind!

After a long hiatus from ER work, I'm headed back to work next week. What a surprise! I got a call just last week for an interview after throwing an application in for what looks like a perfect job for me... PRN work! That means I don't get any benefits, but I don't have a set schedule and only HAVE TO work 8 hours a month minimum! It's exactly what I have been looking for and never expected to find! It gives me the freedom to still be a stay-at-home mom, but pick up shifts in the middle of the night when I don't sleep anyhow and everyone else is home and sleeping. I get to keep my skills up and keep learning...

I can't wait to see this fun stuff again!

Upkeep...

Blogging is better than going to a therapist, right? But not as good as going to your colorist. You get to gossip there, as well as look good...

Alright, so I haven't been so good at this blogging thing as I thought I would be. I swear, I have the best intentions - and so much planned. Tomorrow... just let me get through today first... let me grow my roots out a little bit.

Addicted to tutus...

I think I love making tutus.  I actually ignored my older children arguing today and just kept on making my tutu for Lexi... it was somewhat therapeutic.  Tomorrow comes PURPLE and longer... maybe some fancy finishes on the bottom.  We'll see.  Anyhow.  I seriously am addicted.  Who'da thunk?  Now I'm picturing buying Lexi zebra print leggings to go with a black top and a hot pink medium length tutu... and maybe some hot pink patent leather combat boots, lol.

Anyhow.  Lazy day since I was focused on the new tutu and shirt.  I made a roast on the stovetop.  Cast iron (ceramic glazed) dutch oven, of course.  I have no idea what cut of meat.  I could care less.  It really doesn't matter to me.  I got a 2-for-1 deal at the grocery store, so one went in the pot and one went in the freezer.  It's all in the sauce anyhow.  I made homemade mashed potatoes to go with the gravy, and steamed some green beans.  Sourdough rolls, and voila!

Here's the million dollar recipe folks... it's the bomb!

Whiney Java Roast

• 3-6 pound roast, any cut (boneless) 
  
• 1 cup flour, salt/pepper/dried thyme
• 4 cloves garlic -- peeled and chopped
  
• 2 large onions, roughly chopped
• 3 Tbsp olive oil
• 1 1/2 cups good quality red wine (I like Shiraz)
• 1 large can V-8® vegetable juice
• 10 oz very strong black coffee
• 
  
  1 cup beef stock
  
  
  
• 1 large bunch fresh thyme, removed from stalks
• 2 bay leaves
• salt and freshly ground black pepper
• 
  
  6 T butter
  
  
  
• 6 T flour
• 1 cup heavy cream

Heat dutch oven on stovetop with olive oil.  Mix flour, salt/pepper/dried thyme in shallow dish on countertop. 

1. Unwrap roast and stare at it in dismay.  HOLY CRAP that's a lotta beef!  Unless you're a vegetarian, deal with it.  Grab it with your hands and coat in in the flour mixture.  If you don't feel like making a mess, use a leftover produce bag from the grocery store to put the flour mixture in... throw in the beef, and wallop one of your whiney kids with it.
2. Brown the roast on all sides.  Add onion and garlic to pan if you can see after chopping those monster onions.  I had mascara all over my sleeves.  Cook for about 5-10 minutes, but DO NOT LET GARLIC BROWN.
3. Take that bitch of a roast out carefully.  Whine to your husband that you're not strong enough and let him burn himself with the scalding oil.  Set in on the cutting board that I know you haven't cleaned up yet.
4. Pour in the red wine.  Scrape up all the brown bits off the bottom.  Reduce by half.  Drink a glass of the Shiraz.  It's good. 
5. Add the V8, Coffee, and stock.  Whine to your husband again about the "heavy roast" and get it back in there somehow.  Add the bay leaves. 
6. Get that sucker boiling, reduce it to low immediately and cover it.
7. Drink some more wine and ignore that roast for a few hours.  At least 3.  You can move it to a crock pot if you want and run away to the nearest mall too.
8. If you must, you can put vegetables in your roast, but that's gross.  Put them in the oven where they belong.  Don't screw up my gravy.
9. When you're ready to eat, set the roast on a carving board and let it rest for 15 min.
10. Pour the liquids into a large bowl with a pouring spout.
11. Throw the butter into the dutch oven.  Yell at someone to throw the rolls in the oven because you're busy.  When the butter is melted, add the flour.  Whisk for two minutes or more if you feel special.
12. Add the liquids back in.  When it thickens, add the cream.  Bring to a boil, reduce to low-med, and simmer for five minutes or so.  Voila.  If you want it thicker... use more fat/flour dummy! 
13. I like to slice  my roast (if it doesn't just fall apart) and add it back to the gravy.  If anyone whines... thump 'em.

Soup and Salad

Just hits the spot after a bad day...

• 1 large yellow onion diced
• 4 carrots, diced
• 4 stalks celery, diced
• 6 tablespoons butter
• fresh thyme/sage/parsley
• salt/pepper
• 1 lb mild (or spicy if you prefer) italian sausage
• 2 large sweet potatoes, cubed
• 4 large russet potatoes, cubed
• 4-6 cups chicken stock
• 1 bag baby spinach
• 1 qt heavy cream
• 1 cup parmesan, grated

1. In dutch oven, cook ingredients through fresh herbs until softened but not browned.
2. In separate pan, brown italian sausage.
3. Add potatoes and italian sausage to dutch oven once vegetables are soft.
4. Add chicken stock, bring to boil, reduce heat, cover, and simmer for 30 minutes.
5. Add spinach and heavy cream, simmer uncovered for additional 20-30 minutes.  Add parmesan, stir thoroughly, serve immediately.  If you like your potatoes more "substantial", add with heavy cream and simmer until potatoes are cooked through.

We serve ours with a huge green salad.  Lots of veggies... cucumbers, black olives, carrots, cherry tomatoes, avocados, red peppers, etc.  I had a friend ask me the other day how the hell to slice a pepper, so here goes.

1.  Find the flattest side and lay the pepper on that side please.  Cut off the "top".

2.  Your pepper will look like this now.  Cut along each side of the "rib". 

3.  You will be left with only the sweet parts of the pepper, no seeds, and no bitter ribs!

We also like to make homemade croutons.  You can either make homemade bread or use storebought. 

Our favorite storebought is the Hawaiian Round.  Cut into rough squares, approximately two inches. 

Toss with a good olive oil, kosher salt, and coarse black pepper.  That's it. 

Roast in the oven for an hour and a half at 275, turning once or twice.

Katybug

So... today was my only neice's first birthday party and I managed to miss it.  I mean, this crap can only happen to me.  Seriously.  The party was at 4pm.  Easy enough to make, right?  I wake up at 7am in a panic.  I haven't finished a present yet.  I don't BUY presents, I make presents.  I don't like giving something to my Kate and Will that they can get from someone else.  Not cool.  Here's what I did for Christmas (of course on the 24th... )  I made Kate a cute decoupaged container full of handmade nonslip hair bows.  Here she is wearing them all at once...

And here's Will's present.  He is in a HUGE Star Wars stage of his life.  I made him a stool... we called it a "Thinking Stool", and told him that whenever he needed to think about something, to sit on it and he would become wise like YODA! 

I was supposed to be working on a rocking chair that my sister-in-law had as a young child, redoing it for Kate.  I was going to rework it based on the letters and artwork I did for Kate's nursery.  Here's a shot of her letters, I'll post better ones later when I get them from Gret.

<----original picture (katybug in crib)

Ok, so anyhow... Gret's computerwas down and she ccould't get me a closeup of the letters or artwork for me to finish the rocking chair.  I ccouldn't see enough in the original picture to get the patterns in the crib either.  So I wake up in a cold sweat this morning and haul ass to Joann Fabrics and Old Navy at 8am to buy supplies to make a handmade tutu and decorate a onesie for my Katybug.  I think it'll be adorable, and besides, how long can it take to put some tulle on a piece of elastic, right?  I scanned the internet, they said maybe 2 yards of tulle for a baby tutu.  Sure, no problem.  I bought about 100 yards because I thought I would make a few for Lexi later.  Thank god for that. 

First of all... this is no easy feat in the dry air.  Figure out how to cut a million strips of tulle when they're on a spool and each strip sticks to your furry sweater.  Doesn't help that my cotton candy pink sweater is the same color as the tulle.  I also decided to cut the ends of the FOLDED tulle in a decorative manner.  Lord help us.  Now I have a zillion triangles of tulle stuck to my jeans, my socks, the carpet, and the cats.  Shit...

Now how to figure out how to attach these bastards to the elastic... oh crap!  Why didn't I do this sooner??? And how big is a one-year old's waist anyhow?  Oh jeez... where is the valium when you need it?  Lexi is trying to help, and suddenly I have a fruit snack stuck in a pile of tulle.  Remove gummy snack and throw away four strips.  Wipe brow, remove toddler, put on Veggie Tales movie, sing along with Larry the Cucumber, lather, rinse, repeat.

I see I have one hour to finish the project, take a shower, wake Lexi from a nap, and pack the car.  I can do it.  I shorten the waist, finish up, take a shower, rip the tag off the new jeans I bought from Old Navy so I wouldn't have to do laundry before the party, and wake Lexi up with ten minutes to spare.  I rock!!!

Just then I hear Matthew yelling, "SCOOBY!!! NOOOOOO!!!"  I run into the living room just in time to see the dog upchucking some unknown substance all over the living room floor, but not in time to stop Lexi from running right into the first pile... in her party clothes.  She slides from one pile into the next on one foot... sigh. 

Throw toddler into bath, find other party clothes, clean up dog vomit, laugh at preteen gagging on couch.  We're now 45 minutes late.  Run like hell into car, get on tollway, realize we don't have the address, GPS, or directions.  Can't get a hold of anyone, turn back around, go home to podunk, print off address/directions, get back in car and head off again.  Look at clock, realize we won't make it to party until 30 minutes before end of the party.  Pfffft.  I quit.  I drop Katybug's gift off at my parent's house and head home to wash the rugs and make soup.

New hair!

Thanks to Carrie for recommending her hair guy SAL!  He's at Imagine Salon in DeKalb on Sycamore Road, or in Sycamore on DeKalb Avenue.  Whatever.  He's totally fabulous.  He and his wife both work there.  I'm a total bitch when it comes to getting my hair done well - and Carrie and I both went through beauty school together (along with Heather) and never tested for our license.  So we kinda know what we're talking about too...

Anyhow, he did a great job with the highlights, the cut is fabulous and EVEN, he listened to what I needed and liked, and I love it!

So to celebrate, I'm making my favorite dinner!

Asian Marinated Salmon

• I mix ponzu (a citrus-y mixture of salt, vinegar, and water), soy sauce, sesame oil, toasted sesame seeds, minced green onions, minced garlic, minced ginger, and dijon mustard.  Pour over salmon sections in ziploc bag, remove air and place in fridge for two hours.  Grill, broil, or bake.

Nori Jasmine Rice

• Rinse rice in fine mesh strainer.  Cook in rice cooker, 2 parts rice to one part water.  Add a pinch of kosher salt and 2 T butter.  Toast and julienne nori and put over rice, or use a furikake mix.

Asian marinated cucumbers

• Slice seedless cucumbers on mandoline.  Place in ziploc.  Slice sweet onion on mandoline.  Place in ziploc.  Mix ponzu and white sugar to taste.  Pour over cucumbers, place in refrigerator for one hour.  Drain and serve.

My baby is grown up...

TORI 5 minutes old

TORI 1 year old

Tori Today

Good gracious.  My baby girl is 18 years old today.  How did this happen?  It seems like only yesterday I was in the hospital holding that precious redhead, looking into her eyes and wondering how I was going to instill all the knowledge she needed, all the life lessons she would learn, and make her the woman she needed to be. 

Little did I know, she would end up teaching me more than I could ever teach her.  She became the woman she is all on her own, and grew into her knowlege with such grace and beauty.  She grew alongside me, taught me life lessons while I held her hand and looked into those beautiful blue eyes all these years, and gave me unconditional love.  This lovely child gave me a chance at life and is the love of my life.  My pride and joy. 

My heart breaks when I think of her leaving for college, yet it swells with joy when I think of her reaching such great things.  She reaches for the stars and yet has such a steady grasp on reality.  I am so proud of who she has become and who she is yet to be.  I love you Victoria Lauren.  Thank you for letting me be your mom.  It has been the greatest job in my life, and I look forward to so much more with you.

The Requested Birthday Dinner:
Swedish Meatballs with Lingonberry Sauce
Buttered Egg Noodles
Peas with Dill Butter
Chocolate Mousse

Swedish Meatballs with Lingonberry Sauce (Serves a Crowd!)

2 pounds ground beef

1 pound ground pork
6 slices fresh white bread, crusts removed
1 cup whole milk
8 shallots, minced
4 garlic cloves, minced
2 large eggs, beaten
1 handful fresh flat-leaf parsley, chopped
1 handful fresh dill, chopped
1 stick butter
1/2 cup flour
4 cups chicken broth
2 cups sour cream
fresh nutmeg
salt/pepper
1/2 cup lingonberry jam

1. In small bowl, combine bread crumbs and milk, stir with fork and let stand for 5 minutes.
2. In dutch oven, melt butter over medium heat - add shallots and garlic.  Season with salt and pepper.  Saute until softened but not browned.   Remove to measuring cup.
3. Put meat in large mixing bowl.  Add herbs, grate 1/8-1/4 fresh nutmeg over mixture.  Squeeze extra milk out of bread and add bread to mixture.  Pour extra butter off shallot mixture into dutch oven and put shallot mixture into meat.  Add eggs into meat.  Mix well.  Season with salt and pepper.
4. Use moistened hands to form large meatballs, approximately 1/2 cup per meatball.
5. Heat butter from shallot mixture over moderate heat and add meatballs in batches, being careful not to overcrowd the pan.  Brown on all sides.  Remove to platter as they finish.
6. Add flour to bottom of pan after all meatballs are done/removed from pan, whisking to dissolve in fat.  Cook for two minutes.  Add warm chicken stock and whisk thoroughly to stir up all brown bits from bottom of the pan.  Bring to boil, simmer until thickened.  Lower heat, stir in sour cream and lingonberry jam.  Season with salt and pepper IF needed.  Return meatballs to pan, Simmer until sauce reduces slightly and meatballs are cooked through and hot.
7. Serve over hot egg noodles tossed with butter, fresh chopped flat-leaf parsley, and kosher salt.

Hot Cocoa and Marshmallows..........

This year we decided to make homemade hot cocoa mix and homemade marshmallows to give as gifts to our family and friends.  These marshmallows were rolled in peppermint dust (3 packages of candy canes to 1 cup of sugar in a food processor).

The hot cocoa mix is our own concoction... a best kept secret.  But here's our recipe for our marshmallows!

Homemade Marshmallows

3 envelopes unflavored gelatin
1/2 cup water
------------
2 cups sugar
1/2 cup water
1 cup light corn syrup
1/8 tsp salt
1 tsp clear vanilla extract

In bowl of Kitchenaid Mixer, sprinkle gelatin over water to dissolve.  Let sit.

Line a 13x9 inch pan with foil.  Spray with Pam.  Set aside.

In large, heavy saucepan, compine sugar, corn syrup, salt, and water.  Bring to a boil, stirring constantly.  Cook without stirring again, until a candy thermometer reaches 240 degrees.  Remove from heat immediately and gradually add to gelatin with mixer on low speed.

Beat on high speed until mixture is thick and volume is doubled, about 15 minutes.  Beat in vanilla (or other desired extract).  Pour into prepared pan quickly.  Cover and let stand at room temperature overnight. 

Using foil, lift marshmallow out of pan.  Using large smooth knife coated with Pam, cut into 1-inch squares.  Dip marshmallows into toppings as desired.  Store in airtight container in cool, dry place.

You may use any extract flavor you wish, keep in mind some are much stronger than others (such as almond and mint).  You may also roll them in nuts, candy sprinkles, cocoa, or even dip them in ganache or caramel if you wish and then roll them in an assortment of yummy treats!  A favorite of ours is to skewer them with fruit in the summer  - we add a bit of banana extract, drizzle them with homemade caramel, then roll them in toasted coconut before  adding them to the fruit skewers!

Old Familiar Things

Oh, the joys of Christmas.

Once again, my husband isn't around for Christmas this year. Seems to be a trend with me. My ex-husband was in the military and always missed every holiday and birthday, this husband... well, it's just a different story that I'm not so ready to get in to yet.

So Lexi spent her first Christmas without her Daddy. No big deal, I suppose. She won't remember it, right? Except for the fact that he's not there in any of the pictures. And yet again this year.

Christmas Eve was spent with my parents, dinner at their home. Christmas Eve was supposed to be between Lexi and her Daddy, but plans went awry... if that's what you can call it. Anyhow, we came home, he wasn't there, and she went to bed. She was irritable, stressed out, and didn't sleep well.

For the poor baby who usually sleeps until nine in the morning, she was awakened at seven by her father. She got to open gifts - which was a new experience for her. Gifts were coming from every direction, she had no clue what to do with them, and was completely overwhelmed. There was no time to play with anything or explore anything - as her father had to leave by eight o'clock to get to work. It was a strange, harried morning, and she no doubt felt the stress.

She is now climbing out of the crib and chasing me down the hallway, refusing to let me out of her sight. She cries when her big sister leaves the house. She doesn't want to take naps (this coming from the child who takes three hour naps every day). She clung to her Daddy when he came by the house last week to pick up some clothes, but was strangely silent and calm.

She has yet to play with a single present. She shoves them aside repeatedly, preferring to hand me her tattered favorite books over and over again. She looks for the old familiar things in a time where she doesn't quite know what is going on and what to expect. She clings to what she knows and holds on tight.

Crazy Night Shift in AZ

Insomnia

How many of us suffer from this? I mean truly SUFFER?

This has been something that has taken away a little piece of me every day for the last decade of my life. It has stolen a small portion of my life - it eats away at me, taunting me like a mean girl in junior high. It pretends to be your friend... then suddenly destroys you.

When the sun goes down, my internal clock gets all goofy. I no longer feel tired. I am wide awake. I can't relax and wind down. Getting into bed feels alien and wrong. I've tried everything. Exercising, not exercising, hot showers, warm milk, eating, not eating, medication, walks, you name it... nothing works. The more I try, the more stressed out I get about not sleeping. Unless I really think about it, I really am not stressed out! My stress lies in other areas of my life that I won't discuss. Probably adds to the insomnia, but the insomnia has been there long before those other issues have. Hence the "nonsomnus" name.

I rarely close my eyes, or even lay down before 4am. Makes for a really long day when Lexi gets up by 8am. It's ok though, really. What I hate though is the unwanted advice. "You should just get some sleep." Um... really? That would be GREAT! Because if 50mg of Benadryl and a Trazodone can't do it, I'm sure I'm not going to be able to "just do it on my own". Sheesh. Another favorite is, "You know napping during the day is going to wreak havoc on your sleep schedule." This coming from someone who knows that no matter whether I nap or not, I will not sleep at night. Resting when Lexi takes a nap makes me feel a bit better. I can sleep during the day like a CHAMP.

God I miss working night shift. It was the only time in my life when I actually got 6-8 hours of sleep a "night". I love sleeping during the day. Why oh why is my sleep cycle permanently screwed up???

Speaking of night shift, I think I'll post a pic or two of how crazy we were on night shift. What a bunch of whack-a-doos. Working in an ER overnight brings out the best in people. Gaining a "stripper name" and piercing my bellybutton have to be some of my favorite memories. Lost the belly-ring, but kept the Roxy. Love you crazy people.

Here's my favorite conversation ever from the ER...

Charge RN: "What's your patient doing?" (pointing to video monitor of psych room)
Me: "I dunno. Why"
Charge RN: "I think he's eating belly button lint."
Me: "gross."
Charge RN: "Can you chew belly button lint?"
Me: "I don't think so."
skip boring part of story, end up in patient room
Charge RN: "Did you bring contraband in this ER in your fat rolls?"
Patient: "Yes, I put all my pills there."
Charge RN: "Spit them out this instant."
Patient: "Don't hit me! I'm a cripple!"
Charge RN: "I'm not going to, and that's not politically correct, you're handicapped."
LMFAO.... I love my job.

I believe this same charge nurse also broke her toe playing hackey sack on a break that night, but still managed to go out for our routine Bloody Marys with us at 7am! LOL.

Big Sisters and Little Brothers

I'm the older sibling of two. You know how that game goes, right? I'm older than my adoring brother by almost five years. I'm pretty sure I thought life was perfect before HE came along, but I adjusted... I think! Anyhow, I spent the majority of fourteen years torturing him since he was a major pain-in-my-ass.

He was cute enough until he was about eight I suppose. Maybe a little bit younger. However old he was when he and Jenny Pott's brother started eating my Bonnie Bell flavored chapsticks. I mean... seriously! I had to walk all the way downtown to Lehan Drugs to buy those! I had Dr. Pepper, Orange Crush, and Hubba Bubba flavors and that little twerp ATE THEM! After he decided to feast on my second set, I decided he must be taught a lesson. I covered my floor with thumbtacks. Fair, right? I mean... I warned him not to go in my room. My mother obviously didn't agree that it was the "CORRECT" thing to do, as she had to pull tacks out of his feet and knees, but whatever.

Perhaps there was the time I locked him in the newly built shed and thew away the key for spitting on my skateboard. We could talk about his fear of thunderstorms and how my friends and I would climb the tree outside his window when there were cloudy skies and rattle cookie sheets and scream like possessed demons. Whatever.

Then there was the time that he always talks about. He tells everyone I kicked his teeth out with my ice skates. I did not. Yes, his teeth fell out. Yes, I had skates on. The story goes like this... I believe Julie Fleetwood, Jill Marrett, and Caitlin Hathaway were in the Volkswagon Rabbit with me (and my little brother) getting ready to go ice skating at the lagoon. We were talking about which boys we loved (6th grade) and who we wanted to kiss. My brother immediately piped in with "I'm telling MOM!". He happened to be in the front seat, facing the back seat, sitting on his knees. I had my ice skates on. I kicked the seat and threatened his life. The seat was not locked in place, flew forward, and his teeth went flying - along with what seemed like a bucket of blood. My mom flew out of the back door with a stream of obscenities, my friends scattered like rats in a rainstorm, and I never went to the lagoon.

So, the rest of our life kind of follows suit. He may be 6'3 and a grown up with a wife and two kids, but he's still my annoying little brother. He loves to say things just to irritate me. He always has to say the last word. He's still a hypochondriac who is afraid of thunderstorms (my fault - I know!). I still have to be right, tell him he's wrong, and have the last LAST word. I have to argue with him even when it's not worth it, and make an ass of him in public. It's a sibling thing.

He got his wisdom teeth out today. He's been worried about it for weeks and weeks. Worried about complications and the pain. I've made fun of him throughout his worries of course. I threatened him and told him that I'd show up with a video camera to make fun of him and post it on facebook. I told him we'd all laugh at him when he was coming out of anesthesia and making no sense. I told him we had planned on making party hats and putting them on him and making him look like a total ass. He was so worried, that he told his wife not to let me know when the surgery was.

Truth is, I was worried about him yesterday - I remember how nervous I was about mine coming out. Tori just had hers out recently and it was awful. I know how miserable he must be today and I never really would have done anything mean... but I couldn't let him know that, right??? I just hope he listened to his big sister for once and is taking some pain medication. If not, I hope his poor wife is taking it instead so she doesn't have to listen to him! LOL...

So... on to food conversation... since HE can't eat!

Lunch was linguine pasta with shrimp, roasted red peppers, and a garlic/lemon white wine sauce, salad, and garlic bread. We were all home today, so it was a big lunch.

Dinner is about done. Chicken breasts with a creamy mushroom and wine sauce, basmati rice (it tasted really good yesterday and is soooo good with this sauce), and green beans with cranberries.


I'm off to pour a nice glass of Riesling... or at least find a tall straw.