Old Familiar Things

Oh, the joys of Christmas.

Once again, my husband isn't around for Christmas this year. Seems to be a trend with me. My ex-husband was in the military and always missed every holiday and birthday, this husband... well, it's just a different story that I'm not so ready to get in to yet.

So Lexi spent her first Christmas without her Daddy. No big deal, I suppose. She won't remember it, right? Except for the fact that he's not there in any of the pictures. And yet again this year.

Christmas Eve was spent with my parents, dinner at their home. Christmas Eve was supposed to be between Lexi and her Daddy, but plans went awry... if that's what you can call it. Anyhow, we came home, he wasn't there, and she went to bed. She was irritable, stressed out, and didn't sleep well.

For the poor baby who usually sleeps until nine in the morning, she was awakened at seven by her father. She got to open gifts - which was a new experience for her. Gifts were coming from every direction, she had no clue what to do with them, and was completely overwhelmed. There was no time to play with anything or explore anything - as her father had to leave by eight o'clock to get to work. It was a strange, harried morning, and she no doubt felt the stress.

She is now climbing out of the crib and chasing me down the hallway, refusing to let me out of her sight. She cries when her big sister leaves the house. She doesn't want to take naps (this coming from the child who takes three hour naps every day). She clung to her Daddy when he came by the house last week to pick up some clothes, but was strangely silent and calm.

She has yet to play with a single present. She shoves them aside repeatedly, preferring to hand me her tattered favorite books over and over again. She looks for the old familiar things in a time where she doesn't quite know what is going on and what to expect. She clings to what she knows and holds on tight.