It's time to step out of the shadows and see the sun.
It's been a very long few years for me. My blogs are usually not so serious, but today - I just feel I need to make some changes and move forward. I think I've spent a very long time blaming other people for my extensive pain, and I'm going to take the reins.
My divorce should be final very soon and hopefully my former husband can find the strength to be clean and sober and become the father that our daughter deserves. I spent several years trying to understand where I went wrong and when he stopped loving me enough to love drugs and alcohol more. I finally figured out it wasn't me. There is something in his personality that is flawed that I cannot fix. It is not my fault. I loved my children way too much to try to keep figuring that out years ago, but now I understand that I love myself too much as well.
My family situation has hurt me even deeper for years. I'm not going to explain it, but it is something that cuts me to the core. I have let this affect me too much for entirely too long.
We cannot be who others want us to be. We cannot let the things others say continue to affect us once those words have been said. I have a relative who refuses to have anything to do with me. One who I idolized all my life. I will admit it hurts me, but I will also move past it and acknowledge there is nothing I can do about it any more. I have addressed it and that is all I can do. I cannot let it poison my life.
I am much closer to my friends than my family becaue my friends love me unconditionally. They have supported me through thick and thin. They have called me and stayed up with me all night to listen to me cry, yell, and worry through this traumatic experience. They have brought me food, held my hand, and offered support beyond imagination. They don't judge, they know what is going on in my life, and they know me. When I had police at my house, when I had to sit in a courthouse and get an order of protection, I was flooded with emotional support from my friends...not my family. At one point in my life, I would have done anything to be closer to my family, but I realize that family goes far beyond blood. I hope that these realizations also help me strengthen my bonds with my family...
So to my friends (family), thank you. I love you beyond comprehension. Thank you for being my rocks. Thank you for letting me be me. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, thank you for leaving me alone when I needed it, thank you for staying up late and talking when I needed it.
I love you guys. So... let's step out into the sunshine together and
get the hell out of the cloudy days! I'm ready to find the sun again kids!!
E-Jamie-Carrie-Caitlin-SarahZ-Matt/Gina-Missy-John-Kimberly/John-Lakea-Norma-SarahJ-Trae-Jodi-
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Snowmageddon 2011
Well, I predicted 11 inches of snow and we got 17! Not too bad! We'r ecompletely snowed in, both the doors are completely drifted in, the drifts are up to the top of the doors, but we're warm and happy here in the house!
Last night was a bit of an adventure, as it always seems to be...
So the cats have been acting a little bit, "twitchy", if you will...I tried to take a nap earlier in the afternoon while Lexi was laying down and the cats were just staring at me like crazy animals!
Kind of creepy, right?
Later that night, Gordy was just sitting and staring at a kitchen cabinet. I jokingly said to Matthew, "I bet he's waiting for a mouse!"
Never should have said it. Five minutes later, Prue came tearing ass around the corner of the kitchen into the living room, leaping over the computer chair, growling like a pitbull in the ring. It was then I saw the victim. A fat little mouse huddled in the corner. My fat black and white cat had it cornered. She pounced and chased it back towards the laundry room. I followed suit and slammed the sliding door as fast as I could. Knowing I had two cats trapped in a 12x12 room with one scared rodent, I figured the poor thing had ten minutes tops. Boy was I wrong. The wrong cat got it. When I went in to retrieve the murdered mouse, my dumb white cat Gordy had it, fully alive. He was caressing and kissing it. Oy vey! He's very maternal and a little playful. I had to remove the culprit myself while he cried like a pitiful kitten. I trapped it in a baby wipe box and launched the whole box out the front door.
Now, I noticed that it was really cold in the laundry room while I was checking on the mouse situation. So I went back in to see why. There was a small amount of snow gathering at the back door at the top of the basement stairs. I was on my way to remedy the situation, when the cats darted - another mouse ran over my bare feet, and I screamed, jumped, and slipped on the melted snow... I grabbed the handrail, ripped it right off the wall and fell down the stairs. I gained a nice laceration on my big toe. Lovely. Just my luck! Didn't hurt a bit, but bled like a lovely! Gotta love being on aspirin.
Anyhow, I had to nail up a heavy blanket over the door to keep the snow out last night. The winds were so heavy, it was just blowing snow through the door! When I went to put the handrail back up this morning, I peeked to see how the snow situation was out the door... this is what I found INSIDE the door! Yikes!
Happy snow day to everyone. We're keeping busy here in the house. We've already made marinara sauce, meat sauce, meatballs, and french bread. The kids enjoyed a lunch of Bucatini noodles with meat sauce and Cheesy Garlic Bread.
For our meat sauce, today we used canned tomatoes. I don't get to see Todd until Easter for the fresh tomatoes! I saute three different types of onion, garlic, and carrots in a dutch oven in a quality olive oil until very soft, season with salt and pepper. Towards the end, I add a small amount of very high quality balsamic vinegar. I deglaze the pan with a good red wine. I throw in 6 large cans of tomatoes. Add bay leaves. I simmer for as long as needed, season as needed, add basil and oregano. I brown my meats in a separate pan. I use ground veal, ground pork, and ground sirloin in equal portions. I season them well. I use my immersion blender to smooth out my sauce prior to adding the meat. Key point: make sure you have it IMMERSED first.
I was a tad bit distracted today. My stove and wall (and unfortunately my bright white Old Navy Fleece pullover) are in dire need of some OxyClean.
I may or may not add some grated Parmesan at this point. Depends on how it tastes. I always add extra basil at the end. Season again as needed. Voila!
Last night was a bit of an adventure, as it always seems to be...
So the cats have been acting a little bit, "twitchy", if you will...I tried to take a nap earlier in the afternoon while Lexi was laying down and the cats were just staring at me like crazy animals!
Kind of creepy, right?
Later that night, Gordy was just sitting and staring at a kitchen cabinet. I jokingly said to Matthew, "I bet he's waiting for a mouse!"
Never should have said it. Five minutes later, Prue came tearing ass around the corner of the kitchen into the living room, leaping over the computer chair, growling like a pitbull in the ring. It was then I saw the victim. A fat little mouse huddled in the corner. My fat black and white cat had it cornered. She pounced and chased it back towards the laundry room. I followed suit and slammed the sliding door as fast as I could. Knowing I had two cats trapped in a 12x12 room with one scared rodent, I figured the poor thing had ten minutes tops. Boy was I wrong. The wrong cat got it. When I went in to retrieve the murdered mouse, my dumb white cat Gordy had it, fully alive. He was caressing and kissing it. Oy vey! He's very maternal and a little playful. I had to remove the culprit myself while he cried like a pitiful kitten. I trapped it in a baby wipe box and launched the whole box out the front door.
Now, I noticed that it was really cold in the laundry room while I was checking on the mouse situation. So I went back in to see why. There was a small amount of snow gathering at the back door at the top of the basement stairs. I was on my way to remedy the situation, when the cats darted - another mouse ran over my bare feet, and I screamed, jumped, and slipped on the melted snow... I grabbed the handrail, ripped it right off the wall and fell down the stairs. I gained a nice laceration on my big toe. Lovely. Just my luck! Didn't hurt a bit, but bled like a lovely! Gotta love being on aspirin.
Anyhow, I had to nail up a heavy blanket over the door to keep the snow out last night. The winds were so heavy, it was just blowing snow through the door! When I went to put the handrail back up this morning, I peeked to see how the snow situation was out the door... this is what I found INSIDE the door! Yikes!
Happy snow day to everyone. We're keeping busy here in the house. We've already made marinara sauce, meat sauce, meatballs, and french bread. The kids enjoyed a lunch of Bucatini noodles with meat sauce and Cheesy Garlic Bread.
For our meat sauce, today we used canned tomatoes. I don't get to see Todd until Easter for the fresh tomatoes! I saute three different types of onion, garlic, and carrots in a dutch oven in a quality olive oil until very soft, season with salt and pepper. Towards the end, I add a small amount of very high quality balsamic vinegar. I deglaze the pan with a good red wine. I throw in 6 large cans of tomatoes. Add bay leaves. I simmer for as long as needed, season as needed, add basil and oregano. I brown my meats in a separate pan. I use ground veal, ground pork, and ground sirloin in equal portions. I season them well. I use my immersion blender to smooth out my sauce prior to adding the meat. Key point: make sure you have it IMMERSED first.
I was a tad bit distracted today. My stove and wall (and unfortunately my bright white Old Navy Fleece pullover) are in dire need of some OxyClean.
I may or may not add some grated Parmesan at this point. Depends on how it tastes. I always add extra basil at the end. Season again as needed. Voila!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
New do!
I've been working like a crazy woman and decided that I needed a change. I'm fitting in the size 8 jeans, I'm feeling like myself again, and I want to do the things that I have wanted to do for a long time! Off with all that extra hair! Time for the Hamsa!
Here is the new me! And here is the before - with Lexi hanging out!
Here is the new me! And here is the before - with Lexi hanging out!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Oy Vey
WTF. FML. Pretty much sums up how I feel today. Or yesterday. Whatever. I mean, how did my life come to three letters? How did I get to be a single mom again? Actually, when was I ever NOT a single mom? Sheesh! I think it's easier just never getting married!
I'd love to support my gay friends in fighting for same-sex marriage... but I just can't. Why the hell would ANYONE want to get married??? Have they lost their minds? Do they know what they're in for? Why can't they just stay in love, have fun, and let it roll? Good gravy! Don't they know that piece of paper is like the gate to hell? Run Forrest! Run! I mean... you can buy the bling, share a household... but keep your shit separate! Don't get all crazy people!
I have this new friend, Ben. He's from Indiana. What a life. He travels to all these exotic places... he's never been married, he has a great job, gets to just pick up and go whenever he wants. I'm totally jealous. As my fingers flutter across my dusty keyboard, he's packing up for China. Can you spell J.E.A.L.O.U.S.? What a life! All his pictures are of gorgeous islands, beautiful deserts, and remote locales that you've never dreamed of. He can just pick up and go - nobody to tell him he's got other obligations to take care of. Wonderful.
Now, I wouldn't trade my kids for the world. My friend Ben is missing out on the greatest thing in the universe as far as I'm concerned. The love of my children has been the greatest reward I've ever received. But on those days where everyone has the stomach flu and I've run out of barf buckets, or everyone is fighting and my migraine is pounding... I just want to call Ben and tell him to grab me a passport and take me away.
Have I mentioned Mr. Ben is easy on the eyes??? LOL. Just kidding friends. Mr. Ben is unattached and is that way for a reason. He is my PLATONIC friend. My sarcastic, witty friend that I have an easy, casual relationship with. One that I gain a better understanding of men with. Pffft. Yeah right. I don't think I really WANT a better understanding of men. I just want a maid and a masseuse at this point in my life...
I'd love to support my gay friends in fighting for same-sex marriage... but I just can't. Why the hell would ANYONE want to get married??? Have they lost their minds? Do they know what they're in for? Why can't they just stay in love, have fun, and let it roll? Good gravy! Don't they know that piece of paper is like the gate to hell? Run Forrest! Run! I mean... you can buy the bling, share a household... but keep your shit separate! Don't get all crazy people!
I have this new friend, Ben. He's from Indiana. What a life. He travels to all these exotic places... he's never been married, he has a great job, gets to just pick up and go whenever he wants. I'm totally jealous. As my fingers flutter across my dusty keyboard, he's packing up for China. Can you spell J.E.A.L.O.U.S.? What a life! All his pictures are of gorgeous islands, beautiful deserts, and remote locales that you've never dreamed of. He can just pick up and go - nobody to tell him he's got other obligations to take care of. Wonderful.
Now, I wouldn't trade my kids for the world. My friend Ben is missing out on the greatest thing in the universe as far as I'm concerned. The love of my children has been the greatest reward I've ever received. But on those days where everyone has the stomach flu and I've run out of barf buckets, or everyone is fighting and my migraine is pounding... I just want to call Ben and tell him to grab me a passport and take me away.
Have I mentioned Mr. Ben is easy on the eyes??? LOL. Just kidding friends. Mr. Ben is unattached and is that way for a reason. He is my PLATONIC friend. My sarcastic, witty friend that I have an easy, casual relationship with. One that I gain a better understanding of men with. Pffft. Yeah right. I don't think I really WANT a better understanding of men. I just want a maid and a masseuse at this point in my life...
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Back to the grind!
After a long hiatus from ER work, I'm headed back to work next week. What a surprise! I got a call just last week for an interview after throwing an application in for what looks like a perfect job for me... PRN work! That means I don't get any benefits, but I don't have a set schedule and only HAVE TO work 8 hours a month minimum! It's exactly what I have been looking for and never expected to find! It gives me the freedom to still be a stay-at-home mom, but pick up shifts in the middle of the night when I don't sleep anyhow and everyone else is home and sleeping. I get to keep my skills up and keep learning...
I can't wait to see this fun stuff again!
I can't wait to see this fun stuff again!
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